from this world...we must all...WALK TALL

part 1

-------- 1) a daughter is born
2) spirit journey
---------- 3) physical journey


a daughter is born
i was born december 15, 1951...at 3:50p.m...in a large city i will call...babylon...my father attended the university and was then working on his degree in criminal law...he also worked full time for the power company...my father was a good man of farming background...he had 7 brothers and a sister...my grandma raised them all to get an education and get off of the already failing farms (40’s)...my father lacked one month before taking his bar exams... when he died...he was 25 years old...i was 5 months old...my father knew that he was going to die and prayed special prayers for my mom and my 3 year old sister...but the prayer that he prayed for me was a predestined fate that i still have trouble believing myself...he prayed this...
“because my daughter.... barbara... will not get to know her father... i pray that she will know you FATHER!!!”

my father asked his mom... my grandma... to move in to take care of my sister and i...my mom went to work...grandma stayed in my life for 7 years...i had my father's teacher...she was a good teacher...and i loved her very much...i had my own little world though...a land like none on earth...with peace and love for all...i would become half women and half horse...and fly through this land of love...my father lived here...and we would walk and talk together...he taught me that the father is the father who is the FATHER...and all i had to do was ask and i would receive...i loved being a 4 legged being...grandma stayed in my life until i was 7...then i got a step-dad...early 60’s came we moved to the number 1 school district in the world at that time...it was the oil industry...there were only white children in these schools... very white...it was the first time i began to realize about the different colors of the two legged ones...i was in 5th grade... what brought it to my attention was the other children who were pointing out that i was of some other color...other than white...i was very dark for a white kid...everyone wanted to know if i was indian...well...i asked my mom that question... my mom's family went back at least five generations in this state...and it was the same for my dads family...and the way it was explained to me was...there was probably more than one indian in our woodpile...i was the only dark one out of 2 very large families...mom explained to me that the lighter your skin the better chance you had of education and a decent life... she advised me to always stay out of the sun...keep my skin as light as possible...she said that was just the way things were...i did not really buy that one...it was the sixties now and it was popular to be indian...it was popular to be a rebel as well...and that seemed to be my life destiny...adult ideas had upset me from the time i was young...for instance...it is very real for a child to find out adults lie about this kind man who knows what your doing all the time...that could be JESUS or santa...santa turns out to be a lie...also at a young age...i was punished (hit on the head with my mom’s purse) for drinking from a water fountain for black people...i could not understand her whole objection...i did not understand colors of people...i always look at the eyes...and there within is the person i see...this lady was sad...i was prime for rebelhood...

my mom had twin boys when i was 14..i love my brothers...i got pregnant when i was 16... i got married at barely 17...had my first daughter... and i graduated high school at 18... at 20 i had my second daughter...at 22 my grandma passed out of her earth body...i prayed to her because i was not happy...and at age 23... i smoked my first marijuana cigarette...for me...it was the beginning of an awakening to what i had forgotten... but i still had plenty of growing to do...my husband was from old family money...millionaires...it is very scary for the rich to give up their old way of thinking...after all...they got rich from it...our paths would go different directions soon...

that first taste of awakening was 1974...and when i stopped to be aware of where the world was at...vietnam was just ending... thanks to the people who protested...and the minorities were starting to get somewhere... thanks again to the people who protested...and babylon was growing at a fast pace... i still had two children to raise...and allot of learning to do... one day our generation will hold office...in the mean time...1979...i got divorced...i got custody of my two girls... age 10 and 7...so it was us three girls...i also got the three acres...with the three bedroom house...and the three horses...and three great danes...and all the bills that go with it...but i did not care... i had faith in my FATHER...i would be cared for...i felt very free and happy...so i began to kick up my heels some...but the SPIRIT had different plans for me...it was time for me to remember more...i was to know my FATHER...this time i would enter the land of peace and love as an adult...i would be responsible for what i was to remember...this was my father’s prayers HO!


spirit journey