from this world...we must all...WALK
TALL
part 1
-------- 1) a daughter is born
2) spirit journey
---------- 3)
physical journey
a daughter is born
i was born december 15, 1951...at 3:50p.m...in a large city i
will call...babylon...my father attended the university and was
then working on his degree in criminal law...he also worked full
time for the power company...my father was a good man of farming
background...he had 7 brothers and a sister...my grandma raised
them all to get an education and get off of the already failing
farms (40’s)...my father lacked one month before taking his
bar exams... when he died...he was 25 years old...i was 5 months
old...my father knew that he was going to die and prayed special
prayers for my mom and my 3 year old sister...but the prayer that
he prayed for me was a predestined fate that i still have trouble
believing myself...he prayed this...
“because my daughter.... barbara... will not get to
know her father... i pray that she will know you FATHER!!!”
my father asked his mom... my grandma... to move in to take care
of my sister and i...my mom went to work...grandma stayed in my
life for 7 years...i had my father's teacher...she was a good
teacher...and i loved her very much...i had my own little world
though...a land like none on earth...with peace and love for
all...i would become half women and half horse...and fly through
this land of love...my father lived here...and we would walk and
talk together...he taught me that the father is the father who is
the FATHER...and all i had to do was ask and i would receive...i
loved being a 4 legged being...grandma stayed in my life until i
was 7...then i got a step-dad...early 60’s came we moved to
the number 1 school district in the world at that time...it was
the oil industry...there were only white children in these
schools... very white...it was the first time i began to realize
about the different colors of the two legged ones...i was in 5th
grade... what brought it to my attention was the other children
who were pointing out that i was of some other color...other than
white...i was very dark for a white kid...everyone wanted to know
if i was indian...well...i asked my mom that question... my mom's
family went back at least five generations in this state...and it
was the same for my dads family...and the way it was explained to
me was...there was probably more than one indian in our
woodpile...i was the only dark one out of 2 very large
families...mom explained to me that the lighter your skin the
better chance you had of education and a decent life... she
advised me to always stay out of the sun...keep my skin as light
as possible...she said that was just the way things were...i did
not really buy that one...it was the sixties now and it was
popular to be indian...it was popular to be a rebel as well...and
that seemed to be my life destiny...adult ideas had upset me from
the time i was young...for instance...it is very real for a child
to find out adults lie about this kind man who knows what your
doing all the time...that could be JESUS or santa...santa turns
out to be a lie...also at a young age...i was punished (hit on
the head with my mom’s purse) for drinking from a water
fountain for black people...i could not understand her whole
objection...i did not understand colors of people...i always look
at the eyes...and there within is the person i see...this lady
was sad...i was prime for rebelhood...
my mom had twin boys when i was 14..i love my brothers...i
got pregnant when i was 16... i got married at barely 17...had my
first daughter... and i graduated high school at 18... at 20 i
had my second daughter...at 22 my grandma passed out of her earth
body...i prayed to her because i was not happy...and at age 23...
i smoked my first marijuana cigarette...for me...it was the
beginning of an awakening to what i had forgotten... but i still
had plenty of growing to do...my husband was from old family
money...millionaires...it is very scary for the rich to give up
their old way of thinking...after all...they got rich from
it...our paths would go different directions soon...
that first taste of awakening was 1974...and when i stopped
to be aware of where the world was at...vietnam was just
ending... thanks to the people who protested...and the minorities
were starting to get somewhere... thanks again to the people who
protested...and babylon was growing at a fast pace... i still had
two children to raise...and allot of learning to do... one day
our generation will hold office...in the mean time...1979...i got
divorced...i got custody of my two girls... age 10 and 7...so it
was us three girls...i also got the three acres...with the three
bedroom house...and the three horses...and three great
danes...and all the bills that go with it...but i did not care...
i had faith in my FATHER...i would be cared for...i felt very
free and happy...so i began to kick up my heels some...but the
SPIRIT had different plans for me...it was time for me to
remember more...i was to know my FATHER...this time i would enter
the land of peace and love as an adult...i would be responsible
for what i was to remember...this was my father’s prayers
HO!
spirit journey